Hi! As you probably know, I'm Alice! Well, actually I'm Mary Alice Brandon Hale Cullen, but I prefer Alice so people don't have to say all that stuff, because it's got to be a mouthful for you humans who have to talk all slow and stuff because your not vampires and all that crap. Anywho, you've got to know who I am, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this! Well, just in case you don't know, but who wouldn't, I'M A VAMPIRE! YAAAAY VAMPIRES! JASPER IS HOT! Sorry, sometimes I have spaz attacks....SHOPPIIIIIIIIING! SHOOOOOES! EEEEEP! SQUEEEEEEE! Again, sorry....I guess I'd better get off for today, before I have another spaz attack. Oh, and just so you know, I typed this all in, like, 5 seconds flat. Well, BYE!
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